You've had the complaint about not being my first pick. you had the complaint about being treated like a yo-yo. I want to make you aware of how I feel, and how you've made me feel for years.
We met on ps4. We became really great friends, we spent so much time together. You eventually ended up being the person I wanted to talk to each day, everyone was secondary choice. Then at some point you were the only person I wanted to talk to. Its what I looked forward to, its what excited me, put me in a good happy mood. At that point, if I couldn't talk to you, my day went to shit, and I went to bed depressed. That's how much you meant to me. You were my safe place. You were the person that I could share anything with, the person I felt I could be myself with.
When you met Risikh, you quit talking to me. There was no "weaning" process, it was a harsh stop to all communications. If I got a response from asking how your day was, or what you were up to, it was "Busy with Risikh" and that was it for the day, or the week. I tried to talk to you for several weeks before giving up. I ended up hating Risikh for taking all your time before realizing that he wasn't who had taken the time you spent with me away. It was you that had taken that time away from me, and gave it to him. I resentment towards him was shifted towards you, and I hated you for a long time.
I wasn't your first choice, I was a play thing. When you found someone better, I got shoved to the side. You want to talk about being hurt, you want to talk about last effects. I was worthless. I was replaceable. You ignored me. Not the other way around.
When you ended up going through your divorce, you said you didn't have internet. But you had my phone number. I wasn't worth keeping updated. I wasn't someone you actively remembered. You even said as such, although very indirectly. You only remembered me when you saw me in your friends list.
So why would you be my first pick? Why should you be? Why would you even be in my top 5? Why should you be in the top 10? Lets be real, why should I have considered you at all, after making me feel like a worthless, replaceable, unwanted toy?
Each and every time you messaged me on discord, saying you missed me, I had hope you were back for real. I had hoped you were back in my life. But then you would vanish again. You never responded to my messages to you. You wanted to remind me you knew I existed at that time. This lasted for years. Every few months you'd tell me you missed me, I would respond, and nothing further happened. Twice, in the last five years did you stick around for more than that message.
You think that just because your relationship with Risikh ended that I would let you into my life like nothing happened after 8, almost 9, years? I didn't stop living, I didnt pause while you were gone. I grew, I changed, I'm not that worthless, unwanted, replaceable toy you ignored back then.
I didn't mean to hurt you. Not like you had done to me. I didn't mean to. It was never my intention, I've been struggling with my feelings towards you, and trying to get over the nervousness I have that you'll replace me again, or ignore me again once you find some one "better", like you did last time. I need time to get over my resentment, and my other negative feelings about you. But you can't let me do that, you want me to do it over night, and I can't. Its not something I could do in just a day. I am sorry that I caused you that pain.
I wanted to be your friend for so long. I wanted you back in my life for so long after my hatred dwindled. But it never happened, and sadly, I don't think it ever can. Nearly 10 years have passed since that rift was created. It would take a lot of work, and effort to be friends again. It seems pretty clear we don't see each other the same way.
For my own mental health, I don't think we should be friends. I think we should let the past be the past, and not try to be friends. We're clearly not good influences on each other any more.

You're a special person in my life. You helped me discover things about me I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise. And you always will be a special person in my life. But I think the time you were actively in my life, is in the past now. As much as it may hurt.
I do wish you find the happiness that you want.
I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do, whatever you pursue. But I ask that I'm not what you decide to pursue.